#20

Pictures. 

I don't really appear in them.
But when I did, it means I wished to make memories in solid form.
or at least something that I can recall not only from memory, but sight.
I don't rely on my memorizing skill to remember things.
But when I did, it means those moments are times where I  recall always.
or something that caused damage to myself.

Growing older also increases those precious moments.
Whenever there's something new introduced to me, it take times for me to determine,
if it's important for me,
or simply it's just something that I can ignore it.
if I want to keep them into the folder in both my computer and brain,
or simply just forget them after awhile.
I do not know, until I loses them.
Or when I'm regret.

Pets.

There was 1 pet of mine which I will think about him/her sometimes.(maybe more than 1 but I can't remember.)
It's a fish. More precisely, a betta fish.
It has been my first ever pet since August. and only lives for 3 months.
He(prefer he to be he as he's quite aggressive.) has been brought to the carnival with a her.(she's quiet, so..)
Later, they were settled at 2 different places along with 2 different kind of owner.
They lives.
He staring at him always, bouncing around the water when he feeds Him.
He's aggressive.
She's quiet. Feedback from her.
I missed the moment where I first saw the bubble nest.
Google tells me that it's the sign of happiness. or ready to get a life partner(ignore this please.)
I remembered how happy am I, sharing the joy with others. Swear to take a good care of He.
Google tells me that they can live up to 3 years. I dreamed about exciting I will be after 3 years,
and He meets Her
and I meet her.
Yet, both of them died after 3 months.
She dead before Him.
I allowed the dead body stay in my room for 3 days. Until His eye turns white. His body started to decompose.
Then only say goodbye to Him.

There's also a so-called my pet exists in a few days ago.
It's a female dog. Well, she's small but cute(Pn Irni's definition came to my mind.)
Whenever I sit down or lying on the hanging bed, she will climb up to my leg LOL.
As she did that, I feel her body's warmth.
Her heart's beating.
Her body's warmth.
Penetrate through my body into my heart.
Aww so that's how it feels when there's a bond built between a pet and an owner.

Lifes.

What a big difference of lifes between pre and post graduate.
The only thing that have to worry is studies during pre graduate.
While more things came to us after graduate.
Job searching. Time spending. Negative thinking.
All came together and clamped up like a paper and I have to flatten them back.
Of course, I failed it. Stuck at middle of everything yet I don't know where to start, or what to do.
Planning to write a resume but don't know how to write.
Planning to spend time wisely but still fooling around.
Planning to think positively but yet negative thought planted deeply in my mind.
I took an action before I went back to flatten the paper,
which is writing a post, about what's on my thought.
Trying to stay alive.

Peoples.
Met with different friends and different thought were found.
There's a group, where we were gossiping about people who are buried in my memory on day before Christmas.
There's a group, where we were enjoying the last big group gathering on the 2nd day of Christmas.
I heart the 2nd group more. I feel so life-ly when I am with them, at the same time I feel lonely too.
The joys. The moments. The laughter.
It's the only time where I felt my existence is so much compared to previous times.
I am kind of people who others usually will firstly leftout, or swipe from their memory.
I hope this time won't. Or else I don't know what I can do to prove my existence.
The deeper part of myself says it.